Spear’s 1st Birthday Letter {From Mommy}

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Dear Spear, 

Our journey to you was the biggest faith journey of my life so far. It’s was the biggest leap of faith I’ve ever taken and the first time I can truly say I let God lead the entire way. Sometimes that made it journey harder. Hard to trust. Hard to have patience. Hard to keep that faith. 

But it also made the journey more rewarding. Seeing His story unfold for our family. Knowing every step of the way that it was Him who was leading. Him who was in control. Trusting Him and following Him lead us to YOU. 

You are our gift from the Lord. You are the end to that story He wrote for us. You. 

Each day that I prayed. Every tear that I shed in the wait. All the nos. All the fears. Every single moment of that entire 2 year journey was worth it. You were worth it. 

I still have to pinch myself that it’s all over. That the story is finished. That the little tug on my heart so long ago would come to be the completion of our family. 

Sometimes I have to remind myself of your story in my mind so I won’t ever lose the appreciation for the path that lead you to our arms. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the day to day life of parenting a baby and to forget that this baby didn’t come from my belly. I’m so thankful for Mama E and that she chose me to be your mom. 

Every little piece came together just perfectly. Every star aligned. Everything was meant to be. You were meant to be in our family. There is never a doubt that no other child could have been the right fight like you have been. 

This year has been a journey as well. Your story didn’t end the day you were born. It’s only continued. 

Going through the ICPC stay. Having those final visits with the social worker. Then finally making the adoption process complete and your last name Parker. 

The journey of becoming your mom took time, but the journey of being your mom took no time at all. I’m so thankful you’re my fourth baby. I’m thankful for the confidence I have in motherhood and in my parenting decisions. I can’t fathom walking the difficult path of adoption without having already been a mother. 

Things clicked very easily when it came to parenting you as a baby. Daddy and I have a routine down pretty solid by this point so it was truly like riding a bike πŸ˜‰ 

Our bond took a little longer. I struggled with trying to hold back from loving you fully while we waited at the hospital and it took time for me to feel like you were truly MINE. 

I’m so thankful for the bond Mama E and I have shared but I do think that bond caused me to struggle a bit in my bonding with you. I kept thinking of her when I looked at you and it blinded me from being able to see you just as YOU. As MY son. 

I’m so thankful for time. Time together. Bonding. Becoming mother and son. 

As this year went by, our bond only grew stronger and now my heart is so filled with every little piece of you! 

I have loved seeing you grow and change and become your own little person. It’s so amazing how God works. People constantly tell us how much you look like your siblings. We see so many similarities as well. Truly, there is no doubting you are a Parker…even without the DNA πŸ˜‰ 

You were an easy going baby from the start. Very go with the flow. Very easy to adjust to new schedules or routines and very flexible in times where the routine had to be stretched a bit. 

You are a very typical fourth baby, you are easy going because you didn’t really have a choice! πŸ˜‰ 

I wish I had been more able to take time to really soak you in and enjoy every little snuggle! Being the last baby life is just SO BUSY that it’s hard to slow down. Those moments of cuddling with you have been so special. 

You give the world’s best kisses and will kiss over and over and over. You are a wild child and once you got mobile you were GONE so those cuddle times became even more meaningful. 

I love to sing our song to you each time I lay you down to sleep. You always lay your head on my shoulder and will press your ear against my lips and will kiss me sweetly as I sing. It’s my favorite moment of the day with you. 

I have been so amazed at your health since the day you were born. We were expecting a long hospital stay and instead were discharged after only 40 hours. 

You have continued to be so healthy. Achieving every milestone on time (or ahead) and always having great check-ups at the doctor. I’m so thankful we were able to give you one bottle of breastmilk a day for your entire first year. I truly believe this helped in preventing you from catching sicknesses that your older siblings brought home from school!

I know Mama E is to thank for so much of your health. I’m always so thankful to her for you but also for how well she cared for you while you lived in her belly. She loves you so much and truly wanted to give you the very best life she could give to you! 

Just as Daddy and I prayed for you, so did your siblings. You are the little brother Kye has always dreamed about and hoped for and seeing your bond fills my heart with such joy. I cannot WAIT to see the way you look up to him as you get older. Always trust him to guide you, he will make a great path for you to follow!

The girls have equally loved you. I was nervous how Tess would do since she was the baby for so long but she simply adores her baby brother. She is smitten with you and loves to see you smile and laugh. Britt is always giving us the report on the new things you’re doing and saying and as you get older your connection with her is growing stronger too (and I think you look the most similar to her!).

Daddy has loved the bond you and he share. Being our only bottle fed baby he’s been able to really connect with you in a way he wasn’t able to with our other infants. You are his son through and through and he loved you the moment he saw you!

I have enjoyed all of our adventures together this year. Taking you to Disney at 12 days old is a memory I will forever cherish. Having you there, my happiest place, was overwhelming for me emotionally. Just knowing that all my dreams have come true and getting to have you in my arms and meet Mickey and see the castle was beyond special! 

While you are having to be more flexible than your siblings, you’re also getting to experience so much more! None of them visited Disney until they were just under 3 years old…and you’ve been well more than 10 times to the parks and you’re just now a year old! 

I love that you’re a Disney baby from the start and can’t wait to see your love of Disney grow and grow as you get older. You are the best with characters and truly light up when you meet them (especially Stitch!). I know this year will get a little more interesting at the parks as you’re more mobile and may start to be more fearful but I also know you’ll love it! 

I’m excited to take you back to the Disney Parks this year but am especially excited to take you to Satellite Beach. It’s where I’m from and we tried so hard to take you there for your first beach trip but it just couldn’t happen so it’s a MUST DO this year with you!!!

We loved St Augustine with you and you did great with the beach there and I’m sure this year will be even more interesting with you in the sand and water! I’m sure you will only continue to love it and embrace all the new experiences. 

I love the age of toddlerhood. Baby stages aren’t my personal favorite so the older you’ve gotten the more FUN it has been! 

I love that you are SPEAR and have a true spunk and personality all unique to YOU. I cannot WAIT to see that develop more this year. 

First words, first steps, potty training. I’m excited for it all! I know there will be moments I’ll want to pull my hair out but I also know that these are the moments of my life that I’ll look back on with the fondest of memories. 

I am so thankful for you. And want you to ALWAYS know how loved you are. You are our gift. Our answered prayer. The missing piece of our family puzzle. Always. 

I want you to know that I’m always here for you. I know the road may get confusing at some point. You will have tougher questions. Pain on your heart. I’m here honey. 

I’m always, always here. I want to be that shoulder for you in ALL moments but especially in those tougher ones. I am always an open book to any questions you have. Any feelings you feel.

I don’t want you to ever worry about saying something or feeling something that could hurt me. I know I’m your mama. I know Mama E is also your mama. It’s natural to question things and that’s okay. It doesn’t make either one of us less of your mom or love you any differently. 

I pray when those tougher moments do come that I’m able to navigate them in the ways you need me best. I know that will be another time where I’ll just have to let the Lord guide my path and let Him take the lead on helping you find yours. 

I pray you always, always know how loved and cherished and appreciated you are. Not just by our family. Not just by your biological family. But especially by God. 

You are HIS son first. HIS son most of all. HE is your “truest” parent. He is the best source to lean on. To look to for answers. He will never, ever let you down or disappoint you. Put your trust and faith in Him and you will never go wrong. 

I love you so much. 

I am so proud to be your mom. 

Happy 1st Birthday my incredible son! 

xoxox – Mommy

You can read the first birthday letters to my other babies here:

Kye’s 1st Bday Letter

Britt’s 1st Bday Letter

Tess’s 1st Bday Letter

In all of our birthday letters to each of the kids I always include every single picture of us solo with that child from that year of their lives. I love reliving the memories but also love the idea of incorporating all these posts into a book on their 18th birthday for them to have! So here are ALL the other photos of Spear and I together from his first year of life: 

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journeyofphood

Hey Y’all, I’m Emily! I’m a stay at home mom and consider parenting to be my passion. Disney is my happiest place and I love making memories as a family together. I’m a big believer in transparency and share all of my real-life moments as a mother of four.

My work has been featured on Today Parenting and Babywise.Life. I’m also honored to be a member of the Babywise Friendly Blog Network.

You can read more about our family on my About Me page. Also be sure to follow along with me on Instagram, FacebookΒ and Pinterest!

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2 Comments

  1. GiGi
    January 4, 2019 / 10:46 pm

    Oh my goodness!! Eemily I started out with chills as i read your letter. The more i read the bigger the smiles and then came the tears. I could actually feel your emotions!! And then the last parts about your being an open book and tbe tough questions he may have. And then to top it all you reminded him and us reading this of whom he really belongs to. Our God. You are already heads and shoulders above some moms knowing spear is god’s child first. No wonder I admire you so much. Your walk with the lord amazes me. And zach as the family leader amazes me with his leadership at home, work, and church. His letter laso was precious. The mom in me just responded so closely to yours and you the person. Spears one fortunate baby. To be sso loved by so many! Love y’all.

    • January 5, 2019 / 11:52 am

      Aw thank you so much. We are so blessed by him!

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