What I’m Thankful For – 2019
It’s hard in the daily grind of day to day life to really stop and pause and consider all the many blessings we have.
We get bogged down. We get rushed. We get overloaded. We get straight up exhausted.
It’s such a gift to have Thanksgiving to really STOP and just think and reflect and consider all the many reasons we have to be thankful.
Gratefulness is something I really strive to do better at focusing on and strive to instill in my children as a daily practice and constant focus.
Something fun about technology and social media is that we’re able to have our memories brought to the forefront automatically.
You login to Facebook and there, almost daily, is a notification to see what has happened on this exact day over the years.
Some of the reminders are funny…like how Facebook used to be third person status updates where we’d all say some pretty lame stuff.
But some are tougher reminders.
This time of year many of my “on this day” moments bring back heavy memories through the years.
Especially regarding 2016 and Zach’s health.
And then 2017 and the wait for Spear and those emotions surrounding that time.
It is such a gift this year to not have a large load on our shoulders and in our hearts.
It’s such a blessing to have a normal season of life.
One of those moments where everything is GOOD.
We are healthy. We are a complete family. We are in a season of blessings and I’m thankful.
I know hardships will come again. I know every season brings about change and that change often means tough moments.
But for now I’m so thankful for normal.
2018 was a big year for me in the area of personal growth.
I got on fire with reading personal development type books (you can read about my favs here).
It’s so awesome to me the way that God prepares us for things that we don’t even see coming.
I had NO idea that the personal growth I experienced in 2018 was preparing me for the huge deeper inner-self work that I’d face in 2019.
Deep wounds are tough to tackle.
From the outside no one can see what battles we may be facing within. What hurts we carry. What deep pains we may have.
Sometimes we don’t even realize ourselves just how much weight we’re struggling to handle.
We’re so used to carrying it – sometimes even for our entire lives – that it’s just become part of us and we don’t even begin to realize that we can put it down or how to even go about letting go of it.
The last couple of years I’ve had some moments that really opened the suitcases of pains I have been carrying for so, so long.
Forever friendships that turned out not to be forever. Relationships I’d had hoped would change but got hit with realities that they won’t.
Moments that made me realize I was tired.
Tired of carrying the suitcases. Tired of allowing hurts to define me and limit me. Angry that I have had to carry them
And I took action.
The personal growth I experienced in 2018 allowed me the strength and perspective needed in order to really tackle those deeper wounds and work towards healing them for good.
It’s been a hard, hard process.
Anything that’s worthwhile usually is.
But this year I’m especially so thankful for how far I have come.
It’s incredible to see how healing hurts can completely transform your life in so many ways – most of which aren’t even related to those pains at all.
I’m a different person in 2019 than I was in 2018.
I’m stronger. I’m more confident. I allow space in relationships for others to give too and trust that they will or accept that they won’t and don’t let it define who I am or how I view myself.
As I think about what I’m thankful for this year I realize I’m thankful for all the little (and big) events that lead to this huge path towards healing.
It’s hard to say you’re thankful for tough times, but tough times really do mold us and shape us into better versions of ourselves.
I’m thankful that God put into motion this journey and that my incredible husband, amazing friends, and sweet children have had patience with me and have supported me down this road.
More than anything I’m so thankful for the timing of it all.
So many people carry hurts their entire lives. Carry those suitcases loaded with pain.
Pain that defines them, defines their relationships with those they love (especially their kids), and puts limits on the person God may have intended for them to be.
While doing this tough work is hard with four little ones to constantly care for – I am grateful because they reap the benefits of this healing.
Self-care, personal-growth…it sounds like a selfish thing. Like it only benefits ME.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I see already the HUGE ways my focus on my inner self has benefitted my family, and especially my children.
So this year I’m thankful for healing wounds. I’m thankful for putting down heavy suitcases. Letting go of pain that holds me back.
I’m thankful for moving forward. Creating healthier relationships. Accepting love and loving myself truly too.
I’m thankful for my husband. The moments he holds me when I feel like I’m failing. The times when he stays quiet and just listens. The way he has my back no matter what.
I’m thankful for my children. How they have rolled with the changes that have come about when I’ve begun to accept that I don’t need to earn their love and that I don’t need to worry that they won’t know how much I love them.
I’m thankful for letting go. Letting go of hurts, yes. But also letting go of relationships that were one-sided. That consistently hurt my heart more than they added joy to it.
Letting go of feeling like I “have to” or else I won’t be loved.
Accepting that I’m valuable and worthy of love even if some people don’t see it.
Being okay with that and getting better at saying “their loss” rather than feeling heartbroken over every rejection.
I’m thankful for friendships that have become strengthened through this journey, friends who fill the gaps and do so in such a huge way.
I’m thankful for community who supports me and shares their stories with me.
It’s such a gift to know we’re never alone in our moments of struggle…everyone has some sort of baggage they carry too and it’s such an encouragement to know as I let go of mine that it is helping others to let go of theirs too.
Today I’m at my happiest place with my absolute favorite people in the world and I’m thankful. And excited to see what chapter comes next for us.
Happy Thanksgiving – I pray each of you can find joy and gratitude in all things.
God is good all the time and He shows us goodness even in tougher times. Find that blessing and focus on it and you will be blessed!