If you want to know how to stop yelling at your children, the good news is that there are some really practical and actionable tips that you can start applying now. While different methods will work for different parents, these are definitely a good place to start. This is what I did to stop losing my cool with my kids.
Some moms yell. Some moms don’t. And some moms are like me and are the in-between ones. On a normal day, there is no yelling in sight. But put me in a stressful situation, especially when more than one of my kids is acting extra difficult and that may be a good reason for the yelling to come out.
I really, really don’t like to lose my temper with my kids. And those times that it happens? I feel horrible about. The mom guilt that comes with yelling is no fun.
As with most thing in life, preparation is key. If you want start learning how to stop yelling when angry, you need to set yourself up for success. Prevent situations where yelling is likely to occur and have coping strategies when those moments are unavoidable. This is the first step in avoiding yelling as a mom.
How to Stop Yelling at Your Children: First, Know The Triggers
Before you begin work on breaking a yelling habit, the first thing you should do is to just allow things to continue as they have naturally.
Sit back a bit. Be a fly on the wall of your life. See the moments when you yell. When you feel that anger rising in your chest.
Evaluate those moments. What are the triggers? When do parents yell? Bad behavior? A bad day?
Don’t just think about in that exact moment, but think about the moments and negative emotions leading up to the yelling. Even several hours prior.
Keep a list in your phone to keep track of the times when you felt the yelling coming or when you did yell at your kids and then use that list to come up with a game plan to prevent temper-losing situations in the future.
Prevent Yelling At Kids: Get Enough Rest
Everyone needs sleep. A child’s behavior is at its best when they have enough rest. And guess what? So do parents.
So often we revolve our days around making sure our babies get the sleep they need but then we totally neglect to get the sleep we need.
Simply put: go to bed.
Stop browsing on your phone. Stop binge watching shows. And go to sleep!
Aim for a minimum of six hours a sleep a night. Figure out your awake time for the day and be in your bed at least 7.5 hours prior (to allow yourself that thirty minutes to get settled and actually fall asleep).
Having enough sleep makes it easier to function through the day. You have more patience. Show more grace. And are less likely to get stressed out, frazzled or frustrated. This is a big key in learning how to stop yelling at your children.
Avoid Losing Your Temper: Plan Your Day
One big key to help you learn how to stop yelling at your children is to have a set routine. Keeping a schedule is a great way to make sure your day runs smoother from start to finish.
You know what to expect and so do your children. Children and adults alike thrive with a routine in place and structuring your day allows everyone to have clear plans and sets you up for no-yelling success.
For myself, the evening time is the most likely chance of losing my cool.
As they say with motherhood: the days are long. And by 5:00? I can find myself overwhelmed, overworked and OVER IT.
That is the most crucial time of the day for a solid game plan. The two-year-old toddler is clingy. The kids are bickering. I’m trying to get dinner made. Parenting life has me at my limit!
I have found by sending my kids to their rooms for independent playtime works well because they are out of sight and earshot from me and are having that solo time to themselves so there isn’t a chance for any arguing with sibilngs
I have also found that keeping quick, easy activities on hand in the kitchen area makes it easier to get dinner on the table without losing my mind.
I can stick the toddler in the high chair and hand him a bag to play. I can let the preschooler choose a bag and sit quietly at the counter doing her thing.
The kids love these activities and I love the peace and quiet they offer and I love that they get them going so I can manage my time!
Figure out the tough moments of the day for you and create a solid plan for productivity during those moments.
If the afterschool routine is hard, let the kids eat a snack and do their homework while you step outside to breathe a bit before helping.
If you know that the post nap time transition is a struggle, plan for movie time. Sit on the couch together and snuggle before easing into the rest of the day.
Even happy kids can sometimes push Mommy to her limits! And that’s okay too, know what you need and how to best manage at the moment.
Even a small, simple change can make a big impact!
Prevent Moments of Anger: Ask for Help
So often as moms we feel like we have to carry the weight on our shoulders.
Do all the things for all the people all the time.
And that pressure we put on ourselves? It causes stress which causes short tempers which can lead to yelling.
As you plan your day and figure out the times that cause you to lose your temper…also consider people in your tribe who can help.
If your tough time of the day is dinner prep time, push dinner later. Let Daddy get home from work and help with the kids so you can cook in peace.
If your tough time is after naps see if you can plan a playdate at the park. A chance to vent to friends and have your kids burn off some energy with their pals.
If you look ahead and your week and spot days that may be extra stressful, get a sitter. Ask grandma or another family member to take a kid for a bit (it’s amazing how just being one kid less can shift the whole dynamic).
We aren’t winning any prizes for doing it all on our own. In fact, by trying to manage it all…we often end up losing it all instead.
So don’t put that pressure on yourself! Just like you love your kids, so does your husband. So does your whole family! They want to spend quality time with them – so let them! And use that quality time as a break for yourself to be able to give your best to your kids.
How to Stop Yelling at Your Children: Recognize the Moment
It’s hard when we’re heated and frustrated to calm down. It’s hard to see that the rage is building and that we are about to lose our cool.
But in order to do less yelling, it’s important to have self control and the self awareness of one’s own emotions to recognize things as they are happening.
Leading up to times of yelling are the moments we can STOP. Take a break. Get out of the house. BREATHE.
We all have our own physical pieces of evidence of anger. For me, I start to feel anxious in my chest and can feel it building and mounting.
In those moments? I take a deep breath and tell my children that I need a break.
I remind myself that it’s just a moment of time and that whatever is going on isn’t worth losing my temper over.
I will literally say “I love you but I’m about to lose my temper and I don’t want that to happen so go to your room and I will come talk to you when it’s time.”
It lets them know they are loved. That even when we are upset with each other, I never, ever stop loving them.
It teaches little kids self-control and that it’s healthy to walk away from stressful situations to allow for space and perspective.
One thing it also teaches them is trust. I always follow through with my promise to come speak to them.
By the time I do we are both more calmly. Better able to work through our differences or discuss the issues at hand with a clear head.
When I send them to their room I usually go outside. Even just a few deep breaths and moments of fresh air can calm me down and allow me to remember that any issues we face are just “small things” and aren’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
When Yelling Happens: Ask Forgiveness
Even when we set ourselves up for success moments of frustration will still happen. There will be times when we lose our temper with our children.
I recently had a moment where I yelled. I felt TERRIBLE about it and about myself as a mom.
I had a sweet friend that reminded me if I was a PERFECT mama then my babies wouldn’t need Jesus.
My faults can help show them the need for Our Savior. For His Grace and His Love.
It doesn’t take me very long to feel guilt. I’m not one to hold onto anger for more than just a few minutes so as quickly as the yelling starts, it stops and the apologizing begins.
It is SO important to apologize to our kids.
I know so often parents think they shouldn’t owe their children an apology for anything. But I disagree so much with that.
I tell my kids how sorry I am. How horrible I feel for yelling. I remind them that even if they made a bad choice it still isn’t ever a situation where yelling is okay.
I am mindful to get down to their level. Look them in the eyes and say I’m sorry. That I will do better next time and that I love them so, so much. I remind them that no one is ever perfect. That we all sin and fall short and that, in that moment, Mommy was the one making a poor choice.
The yelling times? They are awful.
But those moments after? They are wonderful.
Kids forgive. They don’t hold grudges like we do. They don’t stay angry. They don’t keep score.
They just love us. At our best. At our worst. At all those little in-between moments.
So when you mess up? When you fall short (and we ALL do!)? Ask for forgiveness. It isn’t the first time you’ve made a mistake and i won’t be the last time either!
Then forgive yourself. We tend to have a really hard time letting things go in our hearts but it is OKAY to mess up. It is OKAY to not be perfect all of the time!
Positive parenting isn’t about being the perfect parents, it’s about loving our own children the best we can and always working at growing and improving!
Tomorrow is a new day. A fresh start! And you hard work will pay off in the long run, I promise!
How to Stop Yelling at Your Children: Key Takeaways
- Know your triggers
- Get enough rest
- Plan your day
- Ask for help
- Recognize the moment you feel anger
- Ask forgiveness