New Years Does Not Equal Sexy

Grrrrr I am so so so sick of pregnancy! New Year’s is one of those nights when you are supposed to look HOTT. And you’re supposed to FEEL Hott. But do I? HECK NO. I have just spent the last 45 minutes trying to find something to wear. Anything would do at this point. I didn’t want to look like a pregnant girl in some maternity clothes. More than that I didn’t want to feel like one. I just wanted to feel sexy! Just for tonight. Sure it’s only Zach, Katie and I have a little fondue party but still!

I think a lot of it has to do with more than just the clothes. I’ve handled not seeing my dad at Christmas (my first time ever my whole life) very well. I haven’t cried. I haven’t complained. But there is just something about not being with my dad at New Year’s that just doesn’t feel right. When my parents got a divorce New Year’s became my dad’s holiday. We always got super dressed up in new Christmas clothes and ate at this fancy restaurant. Always. Last year we saw him for Christmas but not New Year’s. And I handled it okay because at least Brandon was with us, but this year no Dad for Christmas, no Dad for New Year’s and instead of celebrating with Brandon he’s actually AT Dad’s and they are celebrating together while we’re here in Valdosta.

Don’t get me wrong, tonight will be fun. I love Katie and I obviously love Zach so we’ll have a good time. But it won’t be the same.

And with all this couldn’t I at least LOOK and FEEL pretty? Instead I have a huge nasty pimple on my cheek. I have huge boobs that I can’t even make look sexy because they are so gross and because as soon as you notice how “nice” they are you then notice my HUGE belly. I tried to still wear something cute. Something that doesn’t scream “I’m a half-way trendy looking maternity outfit!” So I tried on a dress (size Small) that I bought pre-pregnancy. I thought it still looked cute. I knew it didn’t look HOTT but at this point cute would do. But I showed it to Zach and he kinda chuckled and said all you could notice was how big my belly looked in it.

So for my New Year’s outfit what am I wearing? Something new and cute from Christmas? Something where I feel like I look amazing? Something where in a picture next to my I’m-getting-back-in-shape-and-looking-hott husband I’ll look just as good? Nope. I’m wearing a plain cotton black maternity dress. That looks maternity. That feels maternity. Yesssss. How many weeks are left of this????

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