Done Having Babies? How You Know You’re Done Having Kids
It shocks me that I’m sitting here writing this post.
Motherhood has always been my DREAM JOB and I never, ever thought I’d have peace about being done adding to our family.
I would cry. Really cry. Like big crocodile tears cry at just the thought of having my last baby.
I couldn’t fathom a world in which I wasn’t pregnant, parenting a new baby, or eagerly awaiting to add to our family for another time.
Yet, here I am.
I’m DONE y’all. I’m really done and I’m really content with being done.
Wondering if you’re done too? I can’t speak for everyone but here’s how I KNOW I’m done having babies:
If You’re Debating Being Done – You’re Not
If you’re reading this post because you aren’t sure if you’re done having more kids…then you’re most likely not done.
My advice to people who question whether or not they should have another is always going to be – HAVE ANOTHER.
First, you won’t ever regret your child.
You may regret not having a baby but you’ll never, ever regret having one.
And if you are on the fence about it? Then having another one will FOR SURE end your indecisiveness on the topic.
Looking back I felt the most incomplete when I had my third baby.
That fourth one? Oh he has made me CONFIDENT in the decision of being done with babies!
The beauty of a wild one as the last one is that he reminds me that I’m for sure done 😉
Pregnancy Announcement? No Jealousy Here
Have a friend who is pregnant?
See a pregnancy announcement on Facebook?
You know you’re done having babies when hearing news of others adding to their family does not cause you to feel any sort of longing.
No desire to go through all that again.
No daydreaming of how you’d announce your next one.
No scribbling down baby name ideas.
Just a genuine heart emoji and “congrats” on their announcement and keep on scrolling!
Newborn Baby? Remembering the Joys without Wishing for a Sequel
Visiting the hospital to congratulate a friend on the birth of their new baby used to make you feel this twinge of excitement.
Anticipation for the next time someone would be coming to visit you and your new bundle of joy.
You know you’re done having babies when that hospital visit is a flashback of your memories without a longing for a repeat of it.
Personally I’ve never been a huge baby person so the intense desire to snuggle with someone’s newborn hasn’t ever really been my “thing.”
But when I would hold other people’s babies I’d always think “I wonder what my next will be like…”
And now? When those obligated holding moments happen?
I think back to my moments with my babies and smile at those joys and then hand their baby back with a bit of relief in knowing that my labor and delivery days are a distant memory.
Giving New Mom Advice? Better Them Than You!
The sleepless nights.
The breastfeeding struggles.
The postpartum hormones.
Helping others navigate those waters is a blessing and a gift to know you have been there, done that and can offer some sound advice to help others get through it too.
But it’s also a blessing and a gift to be reminded that you won’t have to walk those paths again.
You can put yourself right back to those tough moments, can see life from the other side of them, and be thankful for the lessons you learned, the memories you have, and the joy you can feel knowing you won’t have to do it all again.
That Last Baby? Milestones are Joyful, Not Sad
I fully expected for every single last baby milestone to tug at my mama heart and cause me to break down in tears.
It turns out that the reality is I am SO done having babies that I’ve yet to be sad for any of it.
First birthday? No tears.
First steps? Just joy.
First words? Just excitement.
I’ve embraced each milestone with happiness rather than sadness and I’ve said goodbye to each baby stage moment totally content with closing that chapter.
You know you’re done having kids when you catch yourself looking forward to the next milestone rather than longing for the last one.
All the Baby Things? See Ya!
I am a naturally sentimental person and I always assumed that when the time came to clean out all the baby clothes and baby items that it’d be an emotional struggle for me.
Turns out it’s a breeeeeze.
Get it out of here!
Price it cheap so it’ll sell and so I don’t have to keep it in my house anymore!
Of course, I’m saving plenty of meaningful items to keep for grandbabies but overall I’m purging!
I am excited to get rid of baby things that I’ve held onto for the last decade in order to have them for future babies to use!
The baby days are done when your yard sale and donate pile is overflowing and you’re eager to see it go to another family who can put it to good use.
A Future Without A Baby in Tow? Bring it On!
Life with a baby is beautiful and amazing but it’s also so tough to go and do.
Schedule conflicts can be stressful.
Childcare can be an expensive necessity.
Diaper bags and bottles and all the baby things to remember to bring everywhere can be exhausting.
Rather than being sad about the baby phase ending I find myself being eager and excited for the next phase of parenting.
I look at parents with no babies and envy how easily they can go and do all the things.
How quickly they can load up in the car without dealing with car seats.
How no stroller is needed to visit a theme park.
When moments get tough with our toddler I remind myself (often out loud) “it will only get easier from here!”
Yes, each stage of parenting brings new challenges but the baby day tough moments?
They are behind me for good!
Our Family Picture? It’s Complete
When people share their internal debate about knowing if they’re done having more kids I will often suggest looking at their family picture.
Does it look and feel complete?
Do you look at your kids in the photo and think there needs to be one more?
For me I actually felt the most incomplete when we had three kids. I just really, really felt this need for a fourth.
I’ve also had people tell me that more than seeing their photo and feeling incomplete that they will keep having a name pop in their head over and over.
Look for little signs like that – listen to your gut and you probably know what desire is on your heart about adding to your family.
For me now? There are no names floating around in my head. No longing in my heart.
Our family photo? It brings me more JOY than EVER because it’s COMPLETE.
Anytime I see a picture of all of my kids together my heart feels fuller than it’s ever felt.
This is it. This is us. This is home. This is my crew. Forever!
No More Babies? Making Plans for Being Done
You may know you’re done but that decision to make it official?
Whew that can really test your feelings about having more babies.
About experiencing new life for the last time.
The entire process of my husband’s vesectomy was surprisingly emotional smooth sailing for me.
I had ONE tough moment after it was over.
Signing my name on the dotted line officially granting a doctor permission to take my husband’s swimmers out of commission was a step I felt confident and ready to take!
If you’re husband is ready to get snipped, make sure you are ready too.
If the thought of being unable to have another baby causes you to have second thoughts…share them with him!
Make sure you are both on the same page before making any final type decisions.
But if you’re done having babies? You gladly welcome the snip-snip!
Pregnancy Scare? Causes True Panic
My husband got a vasectomy. We knew we were DONE.
Vasectomies have a 99% success rate and my husband was cleared three months after his procedure and considered “swimmer free.”
But then I had a month where I realized I hadn’t gotten my period for over 40 days.
And I freaked.
My pregnancy tests on hand were almost a year expired so I didn’t trust their negative results.
I had three days of stress eating panic during the time when I first realized how late my period was to when I finally was able to get a new test and see that it said “negative.”
Nothing will quite make you feel confident in being done having more babies like a pregnancy scare!
I spent 10 years of my life getting pregnant, having babies, adopting too…and it was such a different experience to be taking a pregnancy test in hopes of seeing negative.
And feeling so much relief when I saw the result I was hoping for.
The Plan is Done – But God May Plan More
So yes, my plan is that I’m DONE with babies.
I’m content in that. I’m glad for it.
When I think about our future I see my four and I love it.
I welcome this new season of parenting with open arms and am thankful for the blessing and gift for the era of adding all of our babies to our home.
But in those moments of “what if I’m pregnant?”
I realized that would be okay too.
Mixed in with the fear and worry were moments of “maybe it’ll be another girl, it’s been almost 6 years since I’ve had an infant girl…”
(And the decision that if the baby were a girl I’d totally have to name her Millie for the fact that it’s like a one in a million chance of me being pregnant!)
Thoughts of seeing my older children welcome another baby.
Feeling those little kicks in my belly.
Those sleepless nights where I’d be running on fumes and love.
Those sweet breastfeeding snuggles.
The newborn days.
The little milestones.
So yes, I’m done. We’re done.
This baby make train has left the station.
But we don’t dictate God’s plans and if He says more – we’ll say bring ’em on too!
Done Having Babies – When It’s Not Your Decicison
I wrote this post about my life perspective.
Everyone has a different world view that is shaped from their own upbringings and personal perspectives.
We all have areas where we wish things were different in our lives and can feel frustrated when others don’t seem to appreciate how wonderfully blessed they are.
While this post comes from a place of honesty, I also never want to seem unappreciative of my amazing children or the fact that my husband and I were able to get pregnant and/or adopt, each of them.
I know so many women long to be mothers or wish they could add to their family.
I know so many who look at their family pictures and they will never feel complete.
Maybe they have walked difficult fertility journeys.
Maybe they have babies who live in Heaven.
Maybe they don’t know if motherhood is in the cards for them.
I never want to be insensitive and I am grateful for my ability to choose to be done with babies and the gift of having all of my children on this earth and in my arms.
Deciding the future of our families is a very personal choice and a personal walk.
One that must be agreed upon as a couple.
Whether that decision is in our control, or out of it, we have to find a way to have peace with entering the next phase of life when the time comes.
God is good all of the time and He surrounds us with blessings through all of life’s journeys.