This morning I had my first weekly check-up. I got back SUPER quick which was wonderful! I met Marie for the first time and she was very nice and pretty funny too. Blitzen’s heart rate was in the 130’s-140’s like normal. She said my blood work from my legs came back fine, I don’t have any type of deficiencies or anything. My blood pressure and everything looked good. I asked her about my prenatal vitamins b/c for some reason they asked me at my last visit if I was taking a DHA supplement and that made me nervous that my vitamins don’t have it, but she looked it up and they do.
She did a swab “down there” to check for something and then she told me she was going to check me to see how things are coming along. Since I just read over my 36 week appointment from last pregnancy I was expecting a lot of discomfort. Instead of having me put my feet in the stirrups though she told me to put my ankles together and spread my knees. Then she did the check while standing up next to me. It was SO SO SO much better! ZERO discomfort!!! I even said “dang you’re awesome” which, looking back, probably wasn’t appropriate huh?!?
I did not get checked at this point in my pregnancy with Kye so I have nothing to compare it to but she said that my cervix is soft, but not dilated. Blitzen is in proper position but still at a -3 station and I’m not effaced at all. It was GOOD news because I cannot go into labor this week but it was also disappointing news b/c I DO want to go into labor at the end of next week. Since I don’t have anything really going on I’m going to start taking the primrose oil today and later this week plan to start doing some tricks! She said you can never trust a pregnant woman but that she is pretty confident that I will be at my 37 week check up next week.
I told her about my birth plan and showed her a copy of it. I really liked her and up until that point thought we could have a good thing going…but she wasn’t a big birth plan fan. She pointed out several things about it and even wrote on it to make changes to stuff. That made my decision for me! When I left her office I ran into Teresa and told her I’ve made my rounds and from here on out I’d like to just see her and have her for delivery if possible. I felt like telling her that would help her like me more too b/c doesn’t everyone love to be flattered?
The appointment went downhill after that. I had to have my 36 week lab work done and I cannot STAND needles. Since I have almost passed out before (like they had to lay me on the ground type situation) I always bring someone with me or ask one of the staff to distract me. I REALLY regret not bringing someone with me. It was very painful this time for some reason and they had to do it TWICE and STILL didn’t get any blood. The girl distracting me ended up having to help the girl taking the blood and that’s not a good situation for me. It was horrible. And I have to go back sometime this week prior to Friday in order for them to do it again so they will have the results at my next appointment Monday.
When I left I was (and still am) VERY hormonally emotional. It reminds of the day I went into labor with Kye. I was super upset about everything. And I am right now too. I just sat in my car bawling. I walked around the mall crying. I cried waiting to get Kye from school. I cried on the phone to Mom. I cried on the phone to Charlotte. I just got off the phone crying to Zach.
I’m upset b/c of hormones but I’m also really upset about this whole midwife situation. I honestly thought that after I saw all the midwives that I’d feel really confident about the whole thing. That I wouldn’t feel so worried about not having Stacy. But I don’t. I know so many people love Teresa but I hardly know her and I just wanted this time to be different than last time. I wanted to go in feeling sure that the person delivering my baby would have my best interests in mind and be on my team ya know? I’m not saying she won’t be…I’m just saying there isn’t a bond there where I feel confident in it. Mom made a good point. I shouldn’t worry about it yet. Stacy is on call over Thanksgiving so I just need to do ALL that I can to get this baby here during that time!!!
I’m also upset about the stupid blood work. Having a kid means I have to get someone to watch him and I can’t really ask someone to watch him and ask someone to come with me to get the blood drawn ya know? So I’ll probably have to go alone again and I’m SICK OF GOING ALONE to appointments. It’s not Zach’s fault but I really, really, really miss him being at all the appointments with me like he was then 🙁 I really want him there. (Crying again!)
I’m also upset that here I am full term pregnant and everything I need done still isn’t. I wanted to be at this point and be able to just relax and enjoy Kye and enjoy Zach and enjoy pregnancy. It’s especially annoying when so many of the things I want done aren’t in my control ya know? If I could control it then I’d handle it myself! ESPECIALLY the stupid house stuff! We call the builder and he never answers or calls back then we text him and he’ll call and say he’ll handle it and it’s still not handled. We’ve been here a YEAR almost and still have three things that have to be done. I just want them done before I have a newborn…I don’t feel like that’s a lot to ask?!?! I think it’s a man thing…I don’t think the builder “gets it” that I don’t want these random worker guys coming and going from my house when I have a new baby who I will be nursing all the time 🙂
So I’m pissy and I’m having a pity party and nothing is really helping. I know I’m BEYOND blessed with a healthy pregnancy and baby and a wonderful life and I have ZERO room to be feeling this way. I know everything will work out according to God’s plan and all I can do it trust in Him and move forward. I know, I know. I can give myself a lot of pep talks but today is just one of those days where pregnancy hormones win 🙂 I ate both a pretzel and a cookie at the mall (PS: American Cookie Co is such a WASTE. It’s like $1.50 for that cookie and all it does is TEASE you. It’s too small to really enjoy!) and neither one helped. I have a tiny bit of ice cream cake left and am hoping it helps me out!
Last pregnancy both Zach and Dad bought me spa gift cards for my birthday but this time no one got me one (which I had a wonderful birthday, no complaints!) and I really, really just want a massage. A massage and another ice cream cake 😉 My back pain is SO bad and I’d love an hour of relaxation all to myself. They’d be able to work out some of the stress in my back and probably help my pains and massages are supposed to help you go into labor. I remember from last time that you can’t get one if you’re dilated and since I’m not yet (but hopefully will be Monday at my appointment!) NOW is the time. Don’t you totally think that I deserve it? I think I should start a “Help Emily Get a Massage Fund” and accept donations 😉
Hopefully I’ll snap out of my funk soon! When Kye gets up from nap I’ve already decided that we are having a movie day and possibly getting pizza for dinner. I can wrap presents while we watch the movie and I am going to skip worrying with making a meal to freeze tonight. For now I’m going to enjoy some ice cream cake with eggnog to drink along with 2 Tylenol to help this headache and some primrose oil to get this baby coming 😉