To: My Self Esteem

Links to Amazon are affiliate links.

I love meeting new people through the blog and I’ve recently started following Stephanie’s blog. She has been doing a series of poems that she calls “to poetry” where you write the poem directly to the thing you want to deal with. I think this is a great idea and seems like it’ll be very cleansing! My biggest issue to confront right now? My self-esteem (well actually the lack of it) so here goes my first attempt at “to poetry” and thanks Stephanie for the inspiration!

To My Self Esteem

Where did you go?

My whole life you kept me strong

I never thought I was perfect 10 

But you helped me feel good enough to call myself a solid 7

You even made me feel beautiful at times

You allowed me to love having my picture taken

And to have a thousand “facebook profile pictures” to choose from

You gave me confidence in intimate settings making me feel sexy and desired

And made me feel like I looked my best when I was naked

When in public you brought a smile to my face when people would look at me

You made me think whistling construction workers were complimenting me

You allowed me to wear a bikini even when I was never a size 0

And unashamed of my “average” size chest

You even proud of my body: my thick thighs, barely there butt, and thick tummy

What happened?

Now you are gone

Now I am thankful for a stupid “facebook celebrity look alike week” 

So I don’t have to see myself on my profile

Now I don’t smile when I look in the mirror

Now I don’t feel sexy when intimate with my husband

Now I look down at my chest and feel embarrassed

Any sexiness I felt is gone

And I find it difficult to believe I ever possessed it

Now I am unsatisfied with every picture I see of myself

I pick out my faults instead of my assests

I look at photos of me as a mom in a bikini and feel embarrassed

What was I thinking?

How do I get you back?

I miss you so dearly and I want to be happy with who I am again

I want to feel pretty

Sexy

Desired

Even just average would do

Will this just go away?

Someday will I wake up and have you back?

Until then I will keep trying

Keep fixing my hair

Plucking my eyebrows

Getting dressed in cute outfits

And smiling in pictures

I will not shy away from the camera or from others

I will keep on pretending that everything is fine

And that you are still with me

And hopefully someday you will be

journeyofphood

Hey Guys, I’m Emily! I’m a stay at home mom and consider parenting to be my passion. Disney is my happy place and I love making memories as a family together. I’m a big believer in transparency and share all of my real-life moments as a mother of four.

My work has been featured on Today Parenting and Chronicles of a Babywise Mom. I’m also honored to be a member of the Babywise Friendly Blog Network.

You can read more about our family on my About Me page. Also be sure to follow along with me on Instagram, Facebookย and Pinterest!

Find me on: Web | Twitter | Facebook

Share:

3 Comments

  1. Stephanie
    February 4, 2010 / 12:10 am

    I love it!!! Don't ya feel a little better? ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Kelly Ford
    February 12, 2010 / 4:22 am

    Wow!What a lie from satan that you are not just as beautiful and desirable as you were before having Kye!Yes, our bodies look different. No, i dont have a great appreciation for mine, yet. But i think something to remind ourselves of (daily) is that the 3 who matter most think we are perfect1st- our Creator who loves us and knew what bearing a child would do to our bodies and thought we might be strong enough to handle that kind of blessing, anyways :-)2nd- our husbands who find us even MORE desireable and MORE sexy now that we have grown their children inside of us and had the strength to get them on the outside…lol. And who love us for what great moms we are to their kids :-)and lastlyOur KID who didnt know our body pre-baby and probably wont ever see it look quite that way ever again, but who think we rock this world!Man, its good to be loved by others when we dont love ourselves!And you ARE beautiful. Your smile brightens up a room, your eyes are sparkly, you have great skin and thick hair! SOOO… i'll be praying that God allows you to see what all of us see ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Heidi
    July 28, 2011 / 1:54 pm

    I know this is a very old post, but I wanted to comment anyway.ย  From your poem, it sounds like you base your self-esteem entirely on your appearance.ย  There is so much more to you than that…have self-confidence in your character, your personality,ย  your intelligence, etc.ย  Beauty is only a small part of it, not the only reason you are valuable ๐Ÿ™‚

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *