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I’ve mentioned before that it took me awhile to adjust to life with two. Being adjusted is a different thing from thriving though…I’m still in the process of feeling confident when leaving the safety of our home with both kids 😉 All children are different and I’d always heard that the second baby is often easier than the first because they have to be more adaptable. Well, not Britt. She likes to make sure we don’t forget about her 😉 She is NOT a fan of her car seat what-so-ever and that makes outings a little tricky.
Before Britt was born I talked to Zach, Mrs Charlotte and Mom about helping take Kye to and from school for me since his drop off and pick up times clashed with her schedule. Now that she’s on the four hour schedule I’m able to drop him off and pick him up…but it’s not a joy! Poor Britt screams majority of the time on the way there, on the way home, then again on the way there and on the way home. If she isn’t screaming, she’s sleeping and that’s not good either! In my old car I could reach back and make Kye stay awake at this age…with my new car I can’t reach her. I’m a shorty and have to be super close to the wheel to be able to touch the pedals so my arms aren’t long enough to reach the car seat. If she falls asleep there is nothing I can do about it and, as those of you with a baby on a schedule know, a baby who falls asleep prior to nap does NOT sleep well for their nap!!!
The past two weeks Kye has had school Mon, Wed and Fri and then swim on Tues and Thur. I am HARDCORE about survival swim (he took it last summer, you can read about it here). To help keep Kye’s skills up and to continue to build those skills we did a few weeks of swim in the winter and are doing a two week refresher this month. He’s a ROCK STAR. Seriously, he amazes me! Margie is so sweet and did me a big favor by working with my schedule. We go to swim at 11, when Britt eats. So I pump a bottle and take it with us. She eats while he swims then we have some free time to run errands before heading home for naps at 1. It has worked out great! Last week we went to Target one of the days and the mall the other. I packed Kye’s lunch and he just ate it in the stroller. Britt is a little trickier since she doesn’t like the car seat…I have to get her out often to keep her happy. It can be interesting!
Today I didn’t have any errands to run after swim. I am feeling pretty confident about my mama-of-two skills and thought we all deserved something fun. I’ve been CRAVING some Zaxby’s and there is a new one by the mall so I figured why not try it? How hard can it be to eat out on my own with two kids? I was pretty excited to see how it would all go down.
I always get Kye out of the car first and have him stand still and wait for me while I get Britt. I’m SO thankful I taught him from an early age to STAND STILL when told. He never, ever moves and this makes life a lot easier. I brought her in with her car seat thinking I may need to set her down some. I know a lot of parents with two or more kids dread when the baby can sit and when they become mobile…but I’m pretty pumped for her to be able to sit up on her own. It’ll make outings like these easier on me!
Once inside, Britt was obviously ready to be out of the car seat so I set it down on a table and held her while I got in line to order. I left my purse on the table with the car seat and just grabbed my wallet. I kept an eye on it but something I realized lately is that I simply HAVE to trust people now not to steal my stuff haha. There is no way I could manage holding all of that while ordering. We ordered and I got my drink then got a high chair and tried to figure the dang thing out. This is the point (like 5 min into our adventure!) when people started offering help.
Don’t get me wrong, I greatly appreciate the sweet people who stepped up to help me out. The lady who tried to figure out the high chair with me. The man who buckled the strap once we figured it out. The multiple ladies who let me cut in front of them in line to get more ice, ask for a kids straw, and trade out the rice krispie treats for cookies. The lady who pointed out when Britt had spit up all over me and helped pick up the dropped burp rag. The man who picked up my keys when I dropped them. The girl who jumped up when our order was called to go pick up our food for us. The man who kept a watchful eye on Kye when I had to go up to the counter (I also NEVER took my eyes off of him…). The Zaxby’s employee who ran to hold open both doors for us on our way out. Everyone was so, so sweet and thoughtful. However, it also bugged the crap out of me.
I have NEVER had people offer so much help to me before. It was a blessing, but at the same time did I appear like I needed it?!?! I was thinking on this on the way home and I realized I have a Super Woman Complex. I have this need to be super woman. To do it all. Not just “get it done” but get it done WELL. Handle everything gracefully. Look good while doing it. I never, ever want to appear like one of those frazzled mothers who appears to have zero control. I’m in control. I’ve got it handled. I don’t need your help! I honestly DID feel like I was doing a good job at handling everything. Kye had fun. I enjoyed my meal. Brittlynn laughed and babbled and smiled a ton. We got out of there by 12:30 with plenty of time to get home before naps.
Brittlynn, of course, fell asleep on the way home. I needed gas anyway so I let Kye eat his cookie in the car while I filled up and as an extra special treat I also went through the car wash (after our trip to the beach this weekend my car needed it). During that time I had like 5 minutes of reflection time.
Sleeping girl, yes it took her 30 min to fall asleep for her nap once we were home!
Enjoying his cookie!
Enjoying my ice 😉
I was thinking about the success and the failure of my little outing. How I felt like it was a success but I also felt like a failure because SO many people “had” to help me. How much it bothered me to appear needy and how embarrassed I felt over it. I really, truly had WANTED to do it alone. Prove to myself that it could be done. But then I realized something, I like to help others. It feels good to hold a door open for someone. Pick up something they have dropped. Help make their lives a little easier. All of those (MANY!) people who helped me got to have those good feelings we all get when doing something for someone else. I need to get over myself and my perfectionist ways and LET others help. A smile and a thank you is all that is needed in response. Did I appear frazzled? Less than perfect? Maybe! But maybe I just have two adorable children who people wanted an excuse to talk to. Maybe I didn’t appear to need help, but they just wanted to help. Maybe I helped make their day like they did mine. I enjoyed all the smiles from everyone. People stopping to talk to the kids. Asking Kye about his age and his status of a Big Brother. Commenting on how sweet Britt’s smile is. It’s nice to meet new people, even if they are only in our lives for a few short minutes!
In the future I’m going to try to get passed this Super Woman Complex I have. While I’ll never stop being my independent self who enjoys doing things just to prove to myself that they are possible, I’m going to (try to!) be OK when people help me in my journey to those successes. I’m going to look at that help as a compliment and a blessing instead of feeling embarrassed or like people are judging me. The feelings of embarrassment are due to my own insecurities and I just need to get over that. I am a good mom, a great mom actually, and I have nothing to be insecure or embarrassed about!
The Lord put those do-gooders in my path today to help make my life easier, and to help me see that I have some improving to do in the way I view myself. There’s no such thing as Super Woman. I don’t live on some island where I have to do things alone and on my own. I’m thankful for all of those who do step up and offer help in times of need!!! While this may have been the first time…it surely isn’t the last 😉
I love how when we got home she was zonked out but holding strong to her toy…guaranteed she was dreaming about how to get it in her mouth haha
Have you ever had a hard time accepting help from others? I have a feeling I’m not alone in this struggle! As women in our society today I think we have a LOT of pressure to be “perfect.” Not just as mothers but as professionals, wives, etc. It’s a difficult balance and it’s hard to feel “good enough.” I read this awesome article last week and many of you have probably already read it but it is SO true. I don’t need to be perfect by what society views as perfection, because to my children I already am perfect just by being their mama and by showing them all the love I have for them! I’m going to work hard to focus more on THAT!!!