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The Parker Family’s Tips for How to Carve a Pumpkin
1. cut off the top
(must look cute while doing this)
2. get out ALL the guts
(and try not to get any on your hands…)
3. pose for pictures
(and accept the fact that if a man is taking your picture then your cleavage will be showing)
5. draw design on pumpkin
(pink and purple are excellent choices)
6. decorate pumpkin lid
(making sure never to break concentration)
7. redraw the eyes of the pumpkin about 1,000 times
(because, after all, this pumpkin must be perfect)
8. cut and smile!
(and still wonder if the eyes really did turn out okay?)
9. Enjoy the beautiful pumpkin!
(for the 5 days it lasts before it completely rots, lid caves in, and bugs swarm)
10. scrape disgusting, orange, bug-invested, molded mess of porch with shovel
(and of course this scraping occurs Oct 30th which leaves no actual pumpkin for Halloween!)
Maybe next year…
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