From birth my sweet baby girl has been a “touch baby.” She has always responded to touch more than anything else. If she’s crying? Hold her and the tears disappear. Want her to smile? You gotta tickle her! Making silly faces at her or saying “cheese” just ain’t gonna get that smile to appear. She has to be touched! I have always said that she is my “hip baby” and I have joked that it’s probably why my foot problems all started. Carrying a baby on your hip all the time will wear you out and I have mastered doing many things one-handed!
Britt would have probably LOVED it if I was an attachment style parent. I could see her enjoying being “worn” on me all the time and she’d also probably love to co-sleep if I were down for it. I’ve held her and cuddled her much, much more than I ever did with Kye. She just needs it more and is the way she is comforted and feels loved. She will sit down on the bottom step and say “sit sit” and just wants me to sit with her and rub her back and sing to her.
While there are sweet times with my little shadow, it can wear me out too. It’s TOUGH to get things done with her around the house as she’s constantly wanting to be held. I’m thankful for my structure parenting style. Without naptime and independent playtime nothing would get done around here!!! I have to get up extra early each morning in order to make sure I’m ready for the day otherwise this is what it looks like when I’m trying to get ready (and applying makeup one handed is tricky!):
There were many, many days where I wished so badly to have my freedom from carrying Britt all the time. I’ve been thankful she’s rather petite and not too heavy to lug around but it still wears me out and makes everything take so much longer to get accomplished! I would try to hand her off to Zach but she’d cry, wanting only me. It took MONTHS to get her to go to her Bible Class without me having to sit in there with her. She loves her mama and doesn’t want to be apart for a second!
Then one day it happened. I was getting breakfast ready for the family and it was quiet. No crying. No begging to be held. No little shadow. Freedom to prepare breakfast with two hands. Having a clear head to gather my thoughts for the day without hearing cries and whines at my feet. It was so strange. I went to see where Britt was and found her in her room. All alone. Playing happily. Totally content.
I was filled with such a mixture of emotions. Pride swelled within me. My little girl is growing up! Playing on her own! Entertaining herself! Finally! The hard work has paid off! The day of freedom has arrived! But just as much as I felt pride, I also felt sadness. I sat there, quietly observing with tears streaming down my cheeks. My little girl. My baby. She doesn’t want me anymore. She doesn’t need my embrace every second. She’s growing up.
And this really is what parenting always will be. Such a mixture of emotions at each stage. Joy and pride for our babies becoming their own but also that desire to keep them little forever. I am so proud of Britt and all she is already accomplishing. She’s learning to make good choices and is becoming an independent child. But I will always look at her and see my little “hip baby”. I will think of her little legs always being wrapped around my waist. Her little smile looking up at me and her tears of wanting for my touch. And when those moments come, which are becoming rarer everyday, I soak it all up and cuddle and love on her as long as she will let me 🙂