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Friday, June 30, 2017

14 Months Waiting

This is a summary of our 14th month in the waiting process of adoption. It covers May 29th - June 28th. To read all about our entire adoption journey you can visit this page! 



Things Learned and Accomplished This Month:

Our trip to Mexico was a big shift in the adoption process for us. Everything has been waiting until "after Mexico." We knew we couldn't get any refunds on the trip and that we didn't want a baby in our arms until "after Mexico." For me...this is when the REAL waiting starts. Mexico was wonderful and fantastic. But now it's over. And we're ready for a baby in our arms. And we're just waiting for that to happen!

While on the trip I read The Last Anniversary. It's a great read and one of the characters dealt with some PPD (you find this out early on in the book so this isn't a spoiler). It was such a reminder to me of what that haze feels like and was confirmation for me that I'm OKAY not breastfeeding this baby. I want to ENJOY this baby. This phase of life. And I don't want to risk all those hormonal issues that would likely happen if I were to try to lactate in order to nurse. 


The day we got back from Mexico we had an appointment with a local adoption lawyer. EVERYONE has been telling me to go meet with her. Her name was put on my heart YEARS ago. I remember vividly walking around a store with Crissy just talking about babies and adoption someday and she mentioned Mrs Patti's name back then. I even wrote it down to remember! 

Our plan from the beginning was to not adopt in Georgia as it's not an adoption friendly state (meaning the birth parents have 10 days to change their minds). But SO many times this lawyer's name has been given to us. A neighbor stopped me in my yard one afternoon. People have sent me messages on Facebook. Multiple families mentioned her to me at the garage sale. 

I believe firmly that all of this is about God. We are trying to follow the path He is setting for us. I've done my best to listen to Him every step of the way. Maybe He is guiding us here? Maybe our baby isn't in Florida or another state. Maybe our baby is in our own backyard. I'm not about to limit the Lord, so we set up a meeting! 

I felt like I was meeting a local legend when I got to meet her and we had a great talk! We now officially have a lawyer in Valdosta! She mostly deals with situations where individuals meet a birth mother on their own. So y'all. PLEASE keep us in mind! If you hear of someone considering adoption we'd be honored to be considered :) She is keeping a book of ours on file too as she often sees situations come through the hospital here locally. We can adopt from ANY state and aren't just limited to Georgia!


Now that we are ready for a baby, I want to get this nursery FINISHED! Britt and I worked on unpacking some baby boy items from the attic :) 


Hoping owning a Mickey onesie might mean a trip to Disney with an infant ;) 


Slowly but surely! 

Can I just say I was SHOCKED at how little clothing Kye had as a baby?!?! I think I've gone overboard with the girls. ;) 


I had a sweet blog friend reach out to me who has adopted and she gave me some GREAT resources to contact! I called around to a few and her message got me thinking to start searching. You just never know! I happened across an agency out of Tallahassee and called them and they now have our book and info on file. The more we are out there the more likely we are to find a match. I appreciate friends reaching out to me with contact info! I have called lawyers and agencies and it's been a great experience so far!!! Keep 'em coming!!!

We had our longest break in receiving any birth mom situations during this month. It got discouraging and when we did have a situation sent to us on June 19th I got my hopes up SO HIGH. I realized I can't really trust my emotions on deciding whether or not to present to these situations. I get too pumped right away. I need to breathe and give the situation some space and talk each one through fully with Zach before getting any decision in my head ;) 

We passed on presenting due to multiple reasons and really I just had this gut feeling that another situation would come our way if we didn't present. When you present to a birth mom you can only be presenting to ONE at a time. So if we present to one she could take a couple weeks to let us know an answer and during that time we could be missing out on another opportunity. I felt like that was what would happen in this situation so when we passed, I felt good about the decision.

Sure enough, a couple days later (June 22nd) we got another birth mom! Unfortunately I didn't even get to read over the email when I received it. It was a CRAZY stressful day with a lot of personal stuff going on. To be honest here? That's been an issue since becoming active in our wait. Outside drama will happen at the same time as we receive a birth mom and neither Zach or I are able to fully focus or think clearly. It's frustrating and I'm hopeful that maybe now we can move forward and focus on our little family and put the outside drama aside! 

I was able to read through it the next day and it was a situation where alcohol use was a legit concern. It's crazy but drugs are actually typically less dangerous for an unborn baby than alcohol! Zach had a bad gut feeling on it and I went with that because I still wasn't in the best head space. We passed on presenting. 

So this is the first month since becoming active where we didn't present! I went through a TON of emotions but now feel good about it all and at peace and more content in this phase of the process. 

It can feel discouraging to wait for a birth mom situation and then receive ones that just don't feel "right." I feel guilty over NOT presenting. Which may sound silly, but I do. I just remind myself that when we first opened up to being matched the FIRST situation we saw was PERFECT for US. I have to remind myself over and over again of that. We have to be patient. And trust that another perfect for us situation is out there and that it will happen. 

I feel like future posts for awhile may be similar to this one. Not a lot of new info learned. Just continuing to spread the word about our family and waiting!

Financial:

Totally unrelated to adoption but Zach got offered a promotion this month with Aflac! He decided to take the job and as of July 1st will be a district coordinator. It's scary and stressful but I know he'll do great in this role! It's not a promotion where we know for sure it'll be more income...it's more likely less income for awhile (but a lot more work!) and then, hopefully, more income down the road. Our decision for him to take the job wasn't based on financial but hey we won't complain if extra money does roll in and it would for sure relieve stress off of additional adoption costs down the road...especially as we look to having to renew our home study!

Encouragement:

I'm so blessed with so many sweet and thoughtful friends and always love getting words of encouragement from them! Themes of "waiting" kept coming up over and over this month in various ways which was such a reminder to me that the Lord is with us in the wait. He's here and He's got this!





I had a couple personal experiences too this month that were a reminder to me that we're on the right path! I threw on one of my adoption shirts to go to church on a Wednesday night and it was one of those times where I really, really didn't feel like going but I went anyway. 


I am SO glad I went!!! The guest preacher that night was ADOPTED and he talked a TON about adoption in his lesson which was such an encouragement to me!!!



The following Wednesday I went out to Georgia Bible Camp to visit with Kye and the lesson that night ALSO spoke to me in a huge way. It was all about David and stepping out in faith! How much more perfect could that be???


And look what shirt Colt happened to be wearing!!! So awesome!


So many friends have been so helpful to me in this phase of waiting. I had a bit of a breakdown moment when we decided not to present to the first birth mom we saw this month. It's easy when waiting to question. Is this our path? Is this the right thing? Are we following God's will? 

I'm blessed in this time of waiting because I KNOW WHY it may take longer. I can see God's reasons for maybe now not being time for a baby in our arms. Casey is having her baby within the next month so Mrs Charlotte will be needed to help her a good bit and if we get our baby we will also be needing help (especially if out of state). Zach is starting a NEW job. Which means added stress and a time of figuring out a new balance. Adding in a new baby may not be the best timing until he is situated and adjusted. Zach is also starting his new medication. Maybe we need to have that behind us and know there are no side effects or issues before adding a new baby. 

It is a very precious gift to be able to understand the possible WHY behind the WAIT. It doesn't mean it makes the wait a piece of cake or anything, but it helps. I love love love this quote. And it speaks to something Robyn said to me that has really stuck with me too. She said that if it was all easy and quick and smooth sailing...then why would we need any faith? The faith is in the WAIT. 

I realized back in May that Disney is my happy place. And while that's AMAZING. I'm realizing I need to find a way to de-stress at home too. I can't always jump in the car and drive to Disney. I want this phase of waiting to be a phase where I do personal growth. Learn more about myself while digging deeper with God. Part of that growth needs to be figuring out ways to unwind, destress, and feel joy as EMILY (outside of Mommy). I realized recently that for many years my "me time" has been fulfilled in spending time with a certain person and I need to now figure out how to get that same joy that those times gave me in another way. Easier said than done right?

My breakthrough moment on all of this was a couple nights ago and JUST realizing and recognizing the need I have for some Emily Time was so huge. I'm bad about not making that time for myself often enough. I go too long and hit a wall and feel down and frustrated and annoyed then I finally do something about it. I need to schedule it regularly and make it a top priority. And I need to figure out what that Emily Time can be since Disney isn't always available ;) 

I'm not a huge bath fan but some bubbles and a good book def helped! 


This month was a lot of emotions more than knowledge. Right now though I feel like I'm at a good mental place. I'm going ahead and making plans. Scheduling things (I've legit had NOTHING on my calendar "just in case we get a baby"). Enjoying the moment. Not letting the wait define me. I gotta have that faith and just trust that when it's the right time and the right situation it'll all fall into place and it'll all be worth it!

  • Follow up with all agencies/lawyers people have sent my way 
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