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Saturday, February 6, 2010

What might have been...

So...my high school boyfriend joined Facebook!

I know, no one cares. But you all can relate to how I felt about it. I was pumped! Finally after almost 6 years of zero contact with him I'd get to see what he looks like! Where his life has taken him! And you know I had some mixed emotions...part of me hoped that he'd look great, be happy, have an awesome life as I loved him once and tried to help him achieve to his potential. Then that other part of me wanted him to look terrible, be miserable, and have a less than amazing life. I know it's wrong but don't we all want to feel like WE were the BEST thing to ever happen to someone? That without US their life just couldn't be COMPLETE? That is was ALL downhill after WE left the picture???

I know I'm nut for saying it (well writing it) but EVERYONE thinks it!!!

For the first couple days following my acceptance of his friendship request I did some stalking, like anyone would naturally do (I wonder if he stalked me? What if he's reading this right now? If so it's totally not meant to hurt any feelings!!!). I saw his girl friend (VERY cute, very ironic name, and VERY young), his family (turned out how I expected), and a piece of his post-Emily life. It doesn't look like he finished college but he's got a good job with his dad and his appearance is not one day older (but one tattoo added) than the last time I saw him when we were 19 and still together.

It's a natural thing to see someone who you knew so well and wonder how life would have been with them. He and I were still kinda together when Zach and I got together and so I actually ended it with him FOR Zach. Thank GOD for that decision! Isn't it a wonderful feeling to think about "what might have been" and not have a OUNCE of you want it?!?!

If I'd married him (which honestly could have potentially happened...we were together for a little over 3 years and talked about "forever" all the time) my life would be SO different than it is now. I would for sure be having to work, I'd have all kinds of trust issues with my husband, I'd still be living in Atlanta (hey at least I'd get to hang out with my blog mommy friends!!!), Kye would probably be named Mark William Young III (yikes), and the list just goes on. For me it all paints a scary picture. I LOVE my life now. I LOVE my husband, I LOVE my son, I LOVE my job, I LOVE my house, I LOVE my friends, I have even learned to LOVE this town. I'd be missing ALL of these things!!!

Even more than that though I LOVE GOD. If I'd never randomly driven down to Valdosta. If I'd never fallen for Zach's amazing "game." If I'd never actually ended it with Mark for good. Then I really may have NEVER truly known the Lord. THAT is the SCARIEST thought of all for sure!!! In high school we weren't big church goers and I doubt he's changed since then (at least Facebook doesn't reveal any love of the Lord) so I doubt I would have changed either. I doubt anyone would have ever taught me the Word. I doubt if they tried that I would have listened.

I always hear that Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers" and I think about myself in his place and Zach meeting Mark and how it would be. (Or sometimes I picture Zach in his place and myself with Kristen his ex since that is the more likely to happen at a hometown football game haha) Zach hates that song because he says that God answers ALL prayers but sometimes the answer is just "no." And that's true! And I'm so glad that God's answer to my hopes in high school was NO. I'm so thankful to Him that He put Zach in my path and HE opened my eyes to what life could be. I have ZERO regrets about how anything turned out and I'm just so so thankful for my amazing little life :)

But that doesn't mean I won't still do a little stalking every now and then...I just can't resist it. Who can blame me?

2 comments:

  1. LOL I have been waiting for this blog because I saw you guys were firends LOL. I honestly can't believe you wrote all that- I would be afraid he would read it!! HAHAHA But- like I said he lives SO close to me and I have seen him driving a few times and once at the grocery store haha. I showed Greg Markie's picture and he was like.... WTH?! Markie Mark? She is so young! Oh well... dude I dated guys way to old for me too. I am so so glad you married Zach! You would definitely not be the person you are today and you definitely would not have the same relationship with the Lord!

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  2. LMAO u were a stuck up control freak! thank GOD mark isnt with you:) btw markie is young but acts way more mature than you. she isnt "stalking" her ex bf and writing blogs about their family talking bad!!!! #just sayin

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