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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Zach's New Ride!

Back in the day before we got married I drove a Jetta that my dad paid for. Once we got married my dad took the Jetta back and I was stuck without a car. Zach and I decided to take out a student loan and buy me a truck because once we could afford nicer cars Zach could keep the truck as a "work truck."

We each got new cars in April of last year (Zach traded his Trailblazer for an Accord and I got a CRV) and have kept the truck parked in front of our house. It has RARELY been used and we've had to put money into it to fix the breaks. Not fun. A couple weeks ago we got a letter from our neighborhood saying we needed to move our eyesore non-working truck from the street. Soooo what were we gonna do with it???

About this time Cash for Clunkers started and Zach came up with the idea of using the truck as a clunker and trading in his Accord (as it ALREADY has 45,000 miles on it!) to get something else. We were thinking about getting a Chevy Colorado as it has a 4 door cab feature and gets the best gas mileage of any truck. Plus the payments would be way less than the Accord payment! We went and looked at one but it was SO small. Zach didn't really like it and even if he had they couldn't find one ANYWHERE for us.

Nana passed away right in the middle of all our car searching so we stopped for awhile and missed the Cash for Clunkers deal. Once we got home from Melbourne I started searching again (kept my mind off other things) and found an AWESOME deal on a Ford Flex! We worked out a deal over the phone with the people (it's from a dealership in Dahlonega) and planned on meeting them in Macon on Saturday to trade our two vehicles for their one car.

When Zach told them about our truck he forgot to mention the AC was broken so he had to fix it before doing the trade. Zach has NEVER worked on cars so this was pretty impressive!!! He did a good job too :) My little mecanic haha
Yesterday Zach was working when his cell rang and it was these guys from the dealership asking where he was because they were in Macon with the car!!! There had been a miscommunication and they thought we were meeting them Wednesday instead of Saturday! Lucky us because they ended up driving the whole way down and bringing us the car to our house!
It is SUCH a cool car. Ilove all the features! It has 3rd row seating, the seats lay all the way flat, it has 10 cup holders, 3 plug-ins, an ipod plug, blue interior lighting (like VW has), a hidden door lock key pad, smart key, etc, etc, etc. Plus it is HUGE and still gets 24 mpg! I like it and Zach LOVES it and that's what makes me so happy about it!
It turned out that we were upside down on the Accord (owed more than it was worth) but they took it without us paying anything for it AND they gave us $7,000 for the truck (umm we paid $5500 for it 2 years ago!). The Flex is a 2009 (so a year newer than the Accord) AND has only 14,000 miles (while the Accord had 45,000) and we got the payments down to only $8 more than the Accord payment AND we're saving $20 a month on insurance because we only have two vehicles instead of three. So awesome to have a new car and be saving money!

I think it was a good move and I'm just so glad Zach has a car he LOVES now instead of a boring Accord that just got him from place to place :) Plus it's got plenty of space for alllll our traveling and room when our family grows someday! Yay!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Indoor Pool Fun

I feel like I haven't done a normal post in forever! I'm so behind! Back almost a month ago when we went to Panama City Beach we were SO impressed with the place we stayed. Like I said, Gage has a condo on the beach and while being ON the beach was cool...Zach and I both liked the pool even better! It was part "indoor" (covered with a roof but open on the sides) and part outdoor. Kye got sick of the beach pretty quickly (sand and babies do NOT mix) but he ADORED the pool! Seeing him have so much fun was mine and Zach's favorite part of the trip!

First time feeling the water with Daddy
Very curious about what it was all about
He is a natural little mer-man! Kicked and pulled right from the start :)
Swimming with Daddy
I took several videos on my camera (our video camcorder is broken...sad!) and here's one of Kye "swimming":

While he loved the water he especially enjoyed playing on the side of the pool. So precious!

Another video:

Zach and I both had so much fun playing with our little boy! Even Gage and Ashley enjoyed seeing how much Kye enjoyed the water. The water was kinda cold but the kid only started crying when we would try to take him out haha! And OF COURSE I didn't have any swimmer diapers with he got heavy pretty quick!
Playing with Daddy:

I have always LOVED the water and prefer pools waaaaay more than the ocean or a lake so I'm thinking Kye may be just like me on this one! Which will help Daddy get us a pool of our own even sooner, I hope ~hint~hint!~
We enjoyed it so much that we plan to sneak into some local indoor hotel pools so Kye can continue to love the water. I know if we wait until NEXT summer for him to go to a pool he'll "forget" how much he likes it so the more we can expose him to it the better :) Fine by me!

Afterward he was SO sweet and cuddly. He sat like this for a good 20 minutes being quiet and just warming back up. All that swimming wore him out!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Nana and I through the years

I really wanted to be able to put pictures with my last post but I was in Melbourne and didn't have them easily accessible to me :) Now that my computer is fixed (had a mega virus...$80 and a week later it's cured!) I thought I'd post pictures of Nana and I together through the years. I used a lot of these on the video we played at her funeral and I love that they show us during such happy times (mostly on holidays or at Longdoggers our fav!). I will miss her very, very much.

My graduation 2003
Mom's birthday
Out to eat
My little fam
Japanese Steak House
Longdoggers with Brandon (and some awful hair)
Christmas (sweater and scarf Z and I gave her!)
Holding hands at Longdoggers :)
Bridal Shower at Mom's
Rehearsal Dinner
My wedding day!!! She was a hit with her beautiful hat :)
Family Reunion in Michigan, we look so alike with dark hair
My Uncle and Aunts 25th Anniversary "re-wedding" with my cousin Meghan
My 24th birthday at The Cove
Our last Christmas together
Clover's Baby Shower
Meeting Kye
My last time seeing picnic in July. Our last picture together.
I thought I'd end my little Nana tribute with the poem I read at the funeral. I actually moved the last two lines to the beginning as I felt it made the tone happier. This poem was in her Bible and it was something she wanted read at her funeral so I'm glad I was able to do that for her:

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.

Barbara "Nana" Bublitz
April 7, 1930 ~ August 15, 2009
I love and miss you Nana!

Friday, August 21, 2009

A Week Without Pictures

Since Kye has been born I've really had a lot of issues with death and the idea of dying. For awhile I thought my "death issue" was related to becoming a new parent and that somehow that made death more real for me, and therefore more scary too. I now feel like God was preparing me for what was to come and I am so thankful for all the time I spent exploring the ideas of death and coming to my own conclusions.

Around the same time that death was on my mind Ashley had me read The Shack. I'd heard of it before and new it was a religious book and since I'm not super into that kind of thing I never picked it up. I'm SO thankful that she had me borrow it and it has seriously changed my life and my spirituality (I will eventually write a post about it on its own). I'm still not done with it yet but one of the main things that I love that it said is that EVERYTHING from God is GOOD and if something isn't good then it's not from God. We ALL know that death is itself from God and therefore it must be good. I was talking to Ashley about this idea and she said something that brought me complete closure with my death fears and really took my spirituality to another level. She pointed out that God wants us to be HAPPY to be going to Heaven and that society is what has made death scary and a "bad" thing, not God! That really clicked with me because it made me think about how I feel about boobs (I know, random). Since I've been nursing it's annoying that breasts are "private parts" and I always catch myself wondering why it is that way and I realize that GOD meant them to be feeding machines, not something we cover and hide, but that SOCIETY made them a sexual desirable thing to be hidden from the common eye. So annoying! But death is the same way, God wants us to look forward to death and being with Him, society wants us to fear death and dread it.

On Wednesday of last week my grandmother started taking morphine as she had COPD (basically she couldn't breathe without oxygen) and she was starting to be in pain. On Thursday I had a feeling I should go ahead and go through all the pictures on my computer and put together the ones of Nana. Friday my computer crashed and my mom called and said that we should probably head to Melbourne to see Nana one last time.

We debated about leaving Friday night but decided to wait until Saturday morning so we could get everything packed and have a good nights rest. I had a really hard time packing for the trip as I knew whatever clothes I packed would probably be what I would be wearing the last time I ever saw Nana. I couldn't imagine how it would be seeing her and spending time with her and especially saying goodbye to her. It was A LOT to handle and I broke down very hard in the middle of my tiny closet.

Saturday morning we hit the road right after Kye's 7 am feeding. We'd been driving for about 45 minutes when my mom called and said Nana passed away. She went EXACTLY the way she wanted to go. In her home, by herself (her nurse was nearby), and peacefully. The nurse told her she was calling the family to come over and Nana told her that she was ready to go and didn't want to wait. The nurse said out of all the times she's been with someone during their last moments that Nana's was one of only two of the most peaceful passings she's ever witnessed.

We continued to hurry to Melbourne as even though we wouldn't get to say goodbye to Nana, we wanted to be there to support and comfort my mom. When my grandfather died 5 years ago I was young and selfish and couldn't handle going to his funeral so I didn't and I feel SO much guilt about that. Yeah I couldn't handle it for myself but my mom NEEDED me and I wasn't there for her. Since Nana has been going downhill the past couple of years I promised myself that I would be there 100% for my mom throughout the whole thing.

When we got to Melbourne we went to Nana's house and a lot of the family was there. They had waited to take Nana from her bed until we got there to see her. I wasn't too pumped about seeing her. I've only seen one other person after they died and it was a random guy at a viewing and I had a REALLY hard time with it. I didn't even know him and I started crying! I knew I needed to see Nana because it would help me deal with it. I am a BIG denial person and that's how I've always dealt with hard things but with Nana I really wanted to work through the emotions and deal with her death head on.

Right when I walked in the room I turned to walk back out again. Seeing her laying in that bed was so hard. She was SO tiny. Seeing her little dog, Jake, who wouldn't leave the room was so so sad. Then sitting next to her and looking at her was when I broke down. Mom had fixed her hair and put makeup on her as Nana wouldn't have wanted to be seen as anything less than her best. She looked like herself but her mouth was wide open. I couldn't stop staring at it. They told us that it's what naturally happens and that the jaw locks and it would have to be broken to get the mouth shut.

I was at a loss for words and all I could think to say was "I'm sorry" over and over but I didn't say that because what did I have to be sorry for? She was ready to go to Heaven and she went out exactly how she wanted to. I'm not sorry for her! I may be sorry for the rest of us who will miss her so much but she's happy, she's right where she should be. I told her how much I loved her, how much I've always admired her, and promised her that I'd take care of Mom. I couldn't bring myself to touch her so I simply moved her hair a little bit then said a prayer where I prayed that I can inherit all of her good qualities before I got myself together and walked out. I haven't cried as hard again since I left that room.

I'm really shocked that I've held it together so well and have been so strong but I truly feel it's what Nana would want. She was a strong woman herself, she was excited to meet the Lord (she said on Friday that she got her hair done nice for her God), and she was a woman who was big on appearances and I know she wouldn't want me sobbing and making a scene.

The rest of the day was a blur. We had planned earlier in the week to go to Vero Beach (an hour drive) on Saturday with Nana to my aunt's church so my other aunt (my uncle's wife) could officially become Catholic. Even though Nana died, everyone thought we should still go through with it as it is what she would want. So we did that and all gathered for dinner that night. It was a nice day with my family and I'm so proud of my mom and how well she held it all together during such a tough time.

On Sunday our ENTIRE family (Nana had 6 kids and 14, I think, grand kids) met at The Cove where Mom and Nana ate breakfast every Sunday after church. It was so neat all of us being together. And hard too. Hard for Mom to know that she'd never go there with Nana again. Even the staff knew Nana and were sad that she is gone. We spent a LONG time there all catching up and eating~then we all went back to Nana's. It was a long day with lots of talking and planning and Monday was much of the same thing. Since she wanted to be cremated we wouldn't be having a viewing and the funeral couldn't be until Wednesday.

Since Zach and I had only packed enough for us and Kye for Saturday and Sunday (as we just planned on visiting with Nana then going back home) we had Mrs. Charlotte go through our house and pack clothes for the week and the funeral for us then she drove them all the way to Gainesville so my brother could bring it all with him on Sunday when he drove down for the day to be with the family.

Tuesday was a big work day for the family. All the siblings gathered together at Nana's and we went through all her belongings to decide what would go to whom. I was there with my cousin Jonathan to help them anyway we could and by the end of the day I, of course, had pretty much taken control of the whole thing. I was mentally prepared for it to be a HORRIBLE day filled with tears and sadness but instead it was a day of laughter and fun. Everyone got along so well and didn't fight over one thing. If two or more people wanted something we drew cards and the highest one got the item. While it was A LOT of work I'm so glad I got to be part of it as it made me feel so close to my family and I think I made Nana proud.

Going through her clothes was a little hard as I could remember when she wore her outfits. I'm so thankful that we are the same size as I have several of her things that I totally plan on wearing. I just think Nana would love for her 24 year old granddaughter to be wearing her clothes and to get complimented on them! I think it'll be so neat when I say, "it was my grandmothers!"

My brother and Chrissy came to town Tuesday night and stayed Wednesday night as well. Wednesday I felt sick to my stomach as I got ready for the funeral. It was a full Catholic mass with a time set aside for people to say something if they wanted to. I wasn't too pumped to speak but I knew I needed to as I'd regret it if I didn't. The funeral was so pretty and went so smoothly. I was thankful to the Parker's and to my Dad and Audrey as they all sent beautiful flowers to the church for us! Nana's six children walked her ashes down the aisle and that was hard for Mom. I tried not to look at the urn and when I did I reminded myself that it's not her anymore. She's not here, not in that body. Those ashes are a representation of the person who she once was but her actual soul is in Heaven. It made it much less sad thinking of that.

The pictures I put together on Thursday along with others people found were made into a sideshow (my cousin Jonathan and I put it together) and they played on the screen. It was neat to see her through the years but hard to think about the last picture we took together at the family picnic and how we wouldn't ever get a picture together again. The priest spoke about Nana and how we shouldn't cry but should be happy for her that she's in Heaven and I totally agree with that. I was so proud of my family that day. My SUPER quiet cousin Susi did a reading and was so beautiful. My cousin Ben was so strong as he read another mega long reading. My cousin Josh spoke about Nana and the life lessons she taught him and he mentioned how we all drank Yoo Hoo's every time we went to her house. My mom did SUCH a good job talking about her mom, the things she learned from her and how Nana would say that anyone who helped her was "her angel" and that now Nana is our angel!

My cousin Meghan had called me that morning and asked if she could speak with me and of course I said she could. Nana would have LOVED that as we used to be so close growing up but have naturally grown apart over the years. I spoke first and talked about Nana's style and how much I love it when people say I dress like her when most people wouldn't typically think it's a compliment to dress like their grandma. I mentioned that I got my vanity from her but that I think her vanity is what helped her live for so long and that she will always be remembered the way she wanted to be: beautiful, put together, and (most importantly) classy. After Meghan spoke I read a poem about death and how she isn't really dead but can be seen in little things in our daily lives. The poem kinda freaked me out but it was what Nana wanted read at her funeral so I'm glad I could do that for her.

I barely cried once during the funeral as I knew I needed to be strong for everyone else. The only time I really could have lost it was when the priest read a random psalm he picked out and it ended up being the verse that the song "As The Deer" is written from and that song was our song at our wedding.

My brother had a really difficult time during the funeral and I'm glad we all were there to comfort him. When they had us bring up the gifts they had ALL the great-grandchildren and grandchildren walk them up the aisle and luckily Kye woke up just in time from his nap! Everyone commented that it was so moving to see so many children walk down the aisle and it was such a good feeling to be part of such an amazing family.

I'm so proud of Zach as it was his first time EVER in any denominational church and he handled it all so well. Not only did he do a great job supporting the family and keeping any thoughts to himself that he must have had (I mean Catholic church is waaaaay different from Church of Christ!) but he even got up and said a PRAYER! It was so awesome and he spoke from the heart. He really loved Nana and she adored him so it was very moving that he got up and did that. I haven't ever been prouder of him!

Before she died Nana purchased her resting place at the church. We immediately went there after the service. It was SO hot outside as it had just rained and it made it hard to really focus but the priest said a few words before they poured her ashes in her little spot. It's really different as there is no marking of where her body is and her ashes were just poured into the ground. It truly was ashes to ashes...dust to dust...and I think that even further shows how Nana believed so fully that her soul was no longer in that body.

We had a reception afterwards where we did a yoohoo toast to Nana and then went to Nana's house again after that. Zach and I both were tired and needed a break from SO much family so we left early and brought Kye back to Mom's house to rest together. It was all so emotional and so many ups and downs and it felt good to be back at the house and just RELAX. When we got to Mom's I saw something on the porch an figured it was flowers for Mom and it was a basket for ME!!! I was pumped! Katie had sent a basket of cookies (you know those cute cookie design things) and it said "to brighten your day." And it did! It seriously couldn't have been better timing!!! I've been so blessed to have such wonderful friends through this time. Katie has checked on me everyday and it's so nice to know that she understands what I'm going through as she lost her grandfather last year. Ashley has also checked in and went over to freeze some of my breast milk for me, feed our cats, and take out the trash.

Thursday we decided we deserved a DAY OF FUN! I told the whole family that we all needed to have a fun day and we did! Mom watched Kye for the day (which was fun for her and a break for Zach and I) and we got breakfast with some of the family then went out on the boats. It was a blast being in the sun, the water, and especially spending quality time with all my cousins. All the time with the family this week really has been FUN and while I feel guilty saying that it is true. And I think that's pretty normal. I talked to Katie about it and she said it's how she felt too and that she didn't really grieve until she got back home.

I am staying in Melbourne until Sunday (8 days!) so I guess we'll see what happens once I get home but as of right now I just can't see me having some big break down about Nana dying. I think I may cry because I miss her but I don't even know about that because I know how lucky I was to get to spend as much time with her as I did. She didn't even know if she'd live for my wedding and that was two years ago! I thought for sure she'd pass away before Kye was born and she got to see him three times! I feel so blessed that I had such a close relationship with her and that she lived as long as she did. Yes, I'll miss her but no one can live forever so I'd miss her eventually ya know? And I just try to focus on the GOOD things and her LIFE not the sad things and her death.

It's so strange to think that I've lived an entire week without taking a single picture. Before this week I took a least 20 pictures a week if not more. This is the first week of Kye's life (and probably the last) that he doesn't have a picture taken of him. While I want to remember this week and all the things that have happened I just can't bring myself to snap a photo of it. Monday I plan to start Kye on veges so I know I'll get over this whole not-taking-pictures-thing by then haha!

Overall I left with a feeling of pride from this week. I'm proud of my Mom for accepting Nana being in Heaven and for handling it so well. I'm proud of Kye for his wonderful behavior, especially during the funeral (never a peep!), and the joy he brings everyone around him in a time of sadness. I'm proud of myself for being soooo much stronger than I ever thought possible, for putting other people's needs before my own, and for being the woman I know Nana expects me to be. But most of all I'm proud of Zach. He took care of Kye while I focused my attention on my family. He went WAY outside his comfort zone and went to Catholic Church. He said a beautiful prayer at the funeral when he's not even a blood relative. He has been there beside me when I've been snappy from stress, overly tired from emotionally being drained, and far less than a perfect wife. I cried Wednesday on the way to the reception because I was overwhelmed with pride for my little family. My amazing husband and precious son make me the luckiest wife and mom in the world!

While I am sad that I will not see Nana again I am comforted knowing that she is in Heaven where she wanted to be and that I will meet her there again someday. I hope to continue to support my mom through the rest of this week and am eager to get back home to my bed, my routine, and my little life (filled with lots of blogging haha) on Sunday!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

My First Time At The Gulf Coast!

Zach and I have known Gage for several years now as we met back in Public Relations classes in college. Zach and Gage have stayed in touch and have met up for lunch once in awhile. Well Gage has always mentioned how he has a beach condo down in Panama City Beach and that we should go sometime! Why not go for Zach's birthday weekend?

The view from his pretty!!!
Kye LOVED the mirror wall! I even took a quick little video of it (yes, I'm taking more videos as our real video camera isn't working so these are all I have!)
We didn't get there until LATE Friday night...we thought we'd be able to rush down after Kye's 3:00 feeding and make it to the condo before his 7:00 one but we were wrong and we ended up having to park in some random parking lot 20 min shy of the destination so I could nurse. Then of course Z accidentally left his Polo sunglasses I got him for our anniversary on top of the car and they went flying so we took more time looking for them on the road (and he found them in PERFECT condition just missing one lense! score!) We ended up not eating dinner until almost 10!!

Saturday was a beautiful day for the beach and here is my first time dipping into the Gulf Coast!
We spent the day in the water...Zach playing in the ocean, Ash and I talking, and Gage sleeping! Kye just isn't a big fan of sand. We have a beach tent but how can you honestly prevent sand from getting into it? It's impossible!

I'm glad Gage was okay with us bringing Ashley so I wouldn't just have Kye for company the whole trip!
Luckily Gage is pretty high maintenance for a guy so we had time to take some pictures before dinner :)
He suggested we eat at Margaritaville for dinner because they have really cool decorations that he thought Kye would enjoy. He was SO precious with Kye and so natural with him...he'll make a good daddy some day ladies!
Since we got in late on Zach's actual birthday I waited to bake his cake until Saturday. He picked out all the goodies for it and it was SO YUMMY!!!
Of course we had to show Gage Tripoly and he caught on pretty quick! We were all so tired from the late night before and the busy beach day that we didn't stay up too late though
We all slept in so late on Sunday! I fed Kye at 7 and just kept him in the bed with me and played there until his nap at 8:45 then I went back to sleep! I NEVER do that but I slept until his 11:00 feeding!!! We had to pig out on some cake and ice cream before heading home!
Saying goodbye to himself in the mirror!
It was a fun weekend and it's so funny to me that it was my first time ever going to Panama City! It was such a big Spring Break spot for everyone in high school and even college but if I'm going to go to Florida then I'm going to visit my mom in Melbourne not go party it up! We stayed clear of the "trashy" parts of Panama City and honestly I was much more impressed with the area than I thought I would be. There are a TON of restaurants and the beach is beautiful! The place where we stayed had mostly families so it didn't seem half as wild as I expected. Of course we were in by 8:00 to put Kye to bed so we may just have missed all the craziness :)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Zach's 25th Birthday

Friday was Zach's 25th Birthday! I really wanted to make the day a special one, and I think I was successful ;)

Here's the old man with all his presents!
Mom got him 2 really cool shirts that he loves and a cool hat too! This would make an awesome profile picture for him if he had a facebook! So good!
Since we've been dieting and we're hurting for money I thought I'd get a smaller cake this year...we pigged out on it too and had a "cheat weekend" haha
Reading the card Kye got Daddy!
Helping open presents..good practice for Christmas!
From Kye (it went with the golf themed birthday)
Every year Zach and I have a budget for how much we're allowed to spend on each other at each holiday. And each holiday we go WAY over. My last birthday Zach more than doubled the was awesome but we just can't afford to keep doing that. This year for his birthday I am so proud of myself b/c I stuck to the budget exactly (well I don't count the cost of tax or shipping haha) and it actually made it kinda more fun because it was a good challenge!

I went with golf as the theme and hooked Zach up with some custom designed golf shoes (with his initials on them), a certificate good towards golf at a local country club, and a bunch of VSU golf stuff to match his shoes and bag. I had other people in on it to and Mom got him a red golf shirt, Ash got him a VSU golf shirt, and his parents got him a new golf club! He was so so so excited :)
Since we were leaving for Panama City that afternoon we spent the morning together as a family at the park, then opened gifts, then went to lunch. I let Zach pick the place and we went to Smokin' Pig. It's literally 2 seconds up the road from us but we don't go there very often because I'm not a huge bbq person so it was a good place to go for Zach for his birthday!
When we got there they didn't have the typical kind of high chair that you can put the car seat in so we decided to try Kye sitting in the high chair on his own. He LOVED it! I couldn't get him to look at the camera because he enjoyed looking around the restaurant so much! He sat there and behaved beautifully the entire time we ate. He's growing up so fast!
It got close to his naptime and I think the excitment of being out and about wore him out. I held him while we paid the bill and he fell asleep in my hand! Precious!
I'm so glad that Zach had such an awesome birthday! 25 is a BIG deal and it was a birthday he will always remember with happy memories. In honor of his quarter-of-a-century-year I made a facebook album filled with pictures from his childhood up until now. You don't have to be a member of Facebook to enjoy the's a link to the album:
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